


Perfect

by tryingme



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anorexia, Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-07-28 05:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16235513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryingme/pseuds/tryingme
Summary: Daniel Howell believes he has the secret to perfection; he just needs to starve himself until he reaches it. As he enters his freshman year of university, he promises himself he will not eat, will not live until he is perfect. Phil Lester, however, seems to be throwing a wrench in his plans. Phil is the stunning boy Dan works with at the Student Union. They both pull at each other like opposite sides of a magnet. As their relationship develops, they blur the lines between yes and no and start seeing the world more different than ever before.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING! This story will have graphic descriptions of body-shaming and eating disorders. If you are easily triggered by topics like this, don't read. I would never want someone to feel more awful about themselves because of something I wrote. 
> 
> For those of you who do read this, however, please leave a comment and let me know if I should continue.
> 
> I love you all <3

The cold night air slapped Dan’s face as he darted out of the student union building. Plugging in his earbuds and pressing shuffle on his Favorites playlist, he strode quickly toward his dorm, head tucked into his chest. Regretting not bringing a jacket, he pulled his sweater over his frigid, cracked hands and streamed down his cheeks from the relentless wind. The streetlights around campus bathed him with pale yellow light as he walked passed buildings.

 

It had been the first day of his freshman year at Pilsworth University and the excitement had already washed over him. His classes all seemed fine enough, although he did have a 7am on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. He still didn't know what his Tuesday/Thursday class would be like but he figured it would be similar to all his other classes. So far, college classes didn't seem to terribly different from his high school years. He had also met his roommate, Eric, properly today as Eric had arrived at the school late Sunday night. Eric seemed to be the frat type, with dozens of sports posters plastered on his wall, and already excited to go to parties that Monday night. Dan hoped he wouldn’t have to take care of him when he got home. The only truly enjoyable part of Dan's day had been his first shift of working as a receptionist at the student union. His boss, Mrs. Stacy, was a lovely old woman who sipped herbal tea from a World’s Best Grandma mug all day. Dan had also met Phil, the pale, tall, lanky student manager of the reception desk. Phil was gorgeous, with bright blue eyes and raven black hair that swept into a relaxed quiff. 

 

 _“The one thing you need to understand about this job is that if you’re stressing about something while you’re here, you’re doing it wrong”_ , had been Phil’s first words to Dan, automatically making Dan like Phil. They spent the next few hours walking Dan through the details of the job, cracking jokes almost nonstop, meeting some of the other students, and discussing some work drama . Dan found himself laughing and grinning throughout the entire presentation and was disappointed when Phil left for the night, leaving Dan to go through closing procedures with Mrs. Stacy.

 

_“When do you work?” Phil asked as he pulled on a coat._

 

_“Weekends and evenings mostly,” Dan replied._

 

_Phil smiled. “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other then.”_

 

_“Is that a good thing?”_

 

_Phil shrugged but then gave a smirk as he said, “I hope so.”_

 

Despite the cold weather outside, the memory of that conversation sent a rush of heat throughout his body. He doubted Phil had actually been implying anything but it was still exhilarating to think about that moment.

Frank Ocean was blasting in his ears as he approached the South Hampton dorms, yanking the door open and quickly closing it behind him, allowing himself a moment of rest against the cool glass door before climbing up the five flights of stairs to his dorm room.

 

He was still freezing by the time he reached his floor. Slightly out of breath, he headed for his room ready to cover himself in blankets and brew some tea. He didn’t have any homework tonight so maybe he could finish that anime he had forgotten in the midst of moving in. He was trying to remember where he had left off. The main character was just about to encounter his father-

 

Dan’s train of thought was cut off by the sight of a swinging wooden door flying into his face and the resulting thud as he was knocked to the ground.

 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry,” came a muffled voice as a figure grabbed Dan’s arm to pick him up. Dan took out his earbuds and looked up at the person who had caused the altercation.

 

It was Phil, biting his lip to hold in laughter, eyes ablaze with amusement.

 

“It’s alright,” Dan said, cheeks burning from embarrassment. “I’m used to being a laughing stock.”

 

Phil snickered. “Fair enough. I’m usually the clumsiest person in a two-mile radius. Glad someone else can share the title with me.” He let out the last of his giggles before cocking his head to the side and asking, “you okay?”

 

His hand was still on Dan’s elbow. “Yeah”, Dan exhaled, pulling his arm away.

 

“Good”, Phil said as he stuffed his hands into his jean pockets. “Dan, isn’t it?”

 

Dan still found it hard to get used to Phil’s brilliant, bright eyes. He was like a firework, startling and shocking but impossible to look away from. “Yep. Hi again, Phil.” He peeked past the door that had been the cause of his demise. It was a single room with posters and artwork covering every free surface of the walls. “Do you live here?”

 

 

Phil reached behind himself and shut the door. He leaned back against the door frame. “Yeah. I get discounted student housing for being a manager at the receptionist desk. It’s not fantastic but it’s cheap.” He paused for a moment and a look of confusion passed his face. “You didn’t walk from the Student Union, did you?”

 

“Um-”, Dan started. The walk from the Student Union from South Hampton was about a mile and Dan didn’t have a car. With the frigid weather to come, Dan knew walking that far at night when it was below zero degrees would be difficult. Dan didn’t really care though. He had to work. Besides, walking was going to burn calories.

 

“Dan!” Phil scolded. “You walked a mile at eleven o’clock in five-degree weather-” he glanced at what Dan was wearing. “-in a bloody sweater? What the fuck.”

 

Dan shrugged. “I don’t have a car”

 

Phil rolled his eyes and then grinned. “Well good thing I’m in charge of scheduling shifts so I can always ensure you have a ride to and from work.”

 

Dan groaned. “That’s really not necessary.”

 

“A simple ‘thank you’ will do,” Phil said, a glimmer of humor in his eyes. “God, you freshman are always trying to prove yourselves.”

 

“Says the sophomore who is the same age as me,” Dan smirked.

 

Phil laughed. It was a carefree, contagious kind of laugh that made Dan feel like he had accomplished some great feat to hear it.

 

Phil was still smiling when he asked, “Hey, so I was just about to make a late night ice cream run with some friends of mine. Don’t worry they’re all annoying like me.” He paused. “Care to join?”

Dan felt his face settle into a frown. The problem was, Dan really wanted to. Phil was electric and wonderful and Dan had never felt a connection with someone so quickly before. It usually took weeks before Dan would be joking around with someone but with Phil, it seemed like they had known each other for ages.  He almost said yes. Almost.

 

That horrible voice that plagued his every moment had bubbled to the surface. _You still have 20 pounds to go, pig_ , it sneered. _You can’t afford to have ice cream today, or any day. You’ll never be thin if you go._

 

Dan cast his eyes to the floor as he muttered, “I- I can’t sorry. Maybe some other time.”

 

Dan’s eyes flicked up for a moment and he could see Phil face shift into something resembling disappointment. “Oh. OK, yeah sure.” He paused for a moment. Dan could see a question pressed against Phil’s lips. He assumed it would be the same conversation he had had dozens of times. _Why? Why can’t you be normal? You’re not even big. Why do you care about food so much?_ He’d heard it too many times. He couldn’t bear to hear it from this brilliant, bright boy.

 

“See you around?” Dan asked, looking anywhere but at Phil’s eyes.

 

Phil nodded in response and a crooked smile fixed itself on his face. “I’ll get you to go out with me sometime,” he teased. Dan felt his eyes widen a bit and his heart skipped a beat. Phil chuckled and then walked past Dan, pulling up his hood as he prepared to face the wind.

 

Dan shook his head as walked down the rest of the hallway to his room, hands clenched into tight fists. He unlocked the door to his room with shaking hands and fell into his bed. He gnashed his teeth to prevent any sound from coming out of his mouth and felt his molars scream in irritation. Eric wasn’t in the room so Dan didn’t have to worry about looking like a fucking lunatic in front of his asshole roommate. He punched his pillow, knowing this was only the beginning of the frustrations to come.

 

Dan wished he wasn’t controlled by food. He had tried time and time again to break the vicious cycle but to no avail. He had been fluctuating between severely underweight to slightly overweight since year nine. This obsession with calories and weight and thinness had all started when Dan had moved across the country with his family for some job promotion or another. He lost all the friends he had ever known. He was lonely and angry and felt like he couldn’t do anything right. Then, he realized he could control one thing: his body. He would starve himself when he made a mistake and as he progressed further into life, it became less about the mistakes and more about the disgusting chase toward some type of perfection that even Dan didn’t understand.

 

Dan eventually made friends at his new home but it never seemed to be enough. Every time he messed up, he would lower his goal weight, hoping that by conditioning himself to this kind of pain he would get better, more attractive. A new level to finally achieve perfection.

 

Now here he was, a pathetic pile of baggy clothes, skin, and hair, not deserving food. He didn’t deserve it yet. He wasn’t stunning or attractive yet. He wished he could look like Phil, effortlessly amazing and handsome and he hoped he would get there one day. It would take a bit but Dan was positive this was all going to be worth it in the end. He shouldn’t have gotten so frustrated in the first place. He was making the right choice.

 

Once Dan had calmed down a bit, he grabbed his laptop and logged into Tumblr to scroll through thinspo tags and motivation posts and fell asleep about thirty minutes later, laptop open on an image of a shirtless boy with his rib cage exposed.

 

 

 

Dan woke up to the sharp pain of hunger over his body, chills running all over his skin, his stomach rumbled in protest, begging for some sustenance. He rolled over in his bed and reached for his phone to see what time it was. He winced when the bright phone screen flashed on. 3:43 am. He sighed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep with his stomach hurting so much, and got up to get a drink of water from the communal kitchen. He slid out of his bed and almost fell back down again. His head was spinning and his ears where ringing and colorful dots flashed across the dark ceiling. He closed his eyes for a moment to get a sense of bearing before tugging on his slides and shuffling out of the room. The sound of his shoes slapping against the tile floor echoed throughout the empty hallway. He could make out a beam of light shining under the kitchen door. Dan figured someone had accidentally forgotten to turn off the light before they went to bed.

 

He pushed the door to the kitchen open and was astonished to find Phil sitting with his colorful, sock-covered feet propped up on the kitchen table. He was staring intently at the pages of a very battered-up looking novel. His eyes flicked up and he grinned. “Hey!” Phil exclaimed as he put down the book.

 

Dan smiled back at him. “Hey, Phil. What are you doing in here at this ungodly hour?”

 

Phil shrugged. “You know, I could ask you the same question. I couldn’t sleep. You?”

 

“Same.”

 

Dan wondered if he was still in his bed, dreaming about this encounter. Phil gave off this puzzling energy, buzzing but calm, electric but serine. He was the sun and Dan wanted to get closer and closer but was afraid if he made a wrong move he would get scorched.

 

Dan caught a glimpse of the novel’s title. _The Chronicles of Narnia._ “You have a good taste in literature,” Dan noted.

 

Phil glanced down at the golden cursive writing on the cover and looked at Dan sheepishly. “This is actually my favorite book,“ he said with a bit of amusement in his voice. “It’s kind of childish but I love it. I’ve read it a least a dozen times.”

 

“I don’t think it’s childish,” Dan commented. “It’s an amazing piece of work.”

 

Phil shrugged. “I think so. It’s such a morally charged series. I love re-reading these whenever I need a pick-me-up.”

 

Dan nodded in agreement. “I have quite a few books like that”

 

Phil leaned back in his chair, the front two legs lifting into the air. “Like what?”

 

Dan paused and tried to think of a book that would make him seem sophisticated, clever, fun, and stable. The only novel that came to mind was- “Uh… Harry Potter?”

 

Phil stared at Dan for a moment and then burst into laughter. “Of course you would!”

 

Dan felt shame cover him like a blanket but refused to let it show. He crossed his arms. “Yeah, and what?”

 

Phil shook his head, still smiling. “No, you misunderstand. I just- those are also my favourites. You seem like the kind of person who would love a series like that is all.” He looked at Dan, all warmth and kindness. “It’s cute.”

 

Dan’s cheeks burned. What was Phil doing? Was he flirting? Why? “Favourite in the series?” he asked, looking at the floor.

 

Phil pondered for a moment before responding, “Book Five. I relate to angsty Harry.”

 

Dan laughed, feeling more at ease again. “Good attempt but the correct answer is book three.”

 

Phil raised his eyebrows. “Oh? Do explain” He threw his legs off of the table, the chair legs falling with a clatter, and patted the seat next to him.

 

Dan grinned and slumped into the chair next to Phil. As exhausted and hungry as he was, he couldn’t pass up this opportunity. They spent the next few hours discussing the Harry Potter series, each boy trying to convince the other that their book was superior. The conversation eventually shifted to TV shows they liked and they discovered they both had an affinity for anime. Dan felt like he was in an alternate universe, where nothing really mattered. He would have been perfectly content sitting on the hard, cold plastic chair in the dark common room forever.

 

Eventually, the morning-class students started to trickle in, yawning and putting pieces of bread into the toaster. Phil glanced down at his phone.

 

“Oh my god! It’s 8 am!” he exclaimed. “I have class in an hour.”

 

Dan’s eyes widened. “Sorry,” he muttered, feeling guilty for preventing Phil from getting sleep.

 

“What for?” Phil said with a smile. “This was well worth the sleep deprivation.”

 

Dan paused for a moment, the bazillionth time a warm feeling spread across his body as a reaction to something Phil said that night. He was pretty sure Phil was going to be the end of him. “You’re working tonight, right?”  

 

Phil nodded and smirked. “Someone’s gotta be around to give you a ride to work. I’ll see you at 6.”

 

Dan was about to ask where they were going to meet or did he want to exchange phone numbers but Phil was already out of the room, _The Chronicles of Narnia_ laying forgotten on the table.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short. It felt natural to end it here. The next chapter will be much longer

Dan picked up the book before leaving the kitchen. He tapped his fingers on the novel as he walked down the hall, humming the theme to My Hero Academia. As he approached his door he reached into his pocket to grab his room key. It wasn’t there. Dan groaned, double checking every pocket and scanning the floor around him. He walked back to the kitchen and got down on all fours, anger boiling in his stomach. Nothing. 

“Fucking idiot”, Dan muttered to himself as he walked back down the hall clutching Phil’s book to his chest. He tugged on the door once again. Dan couldn’t believe he had left his key in his room on the second night of University. The Resident Hall Advisers had warned him that the doors locked automatically after you close them when they had given him his key. How was he going to be able to manage the school year if he couldn’t manage to keep a bloody key on him for more than 24 hours? He pressed his ear to the door, hoping to hear his roommate shuffling around. Silence. 

Dan bounced nervously on his toes. He only had two options. He could go find the Adviser desk, pay a five dollar lost-key fine, and then wait at least twenty minutes to get a key. The other option was to knock on the door, assuming his roommate was in the room, and wake him up. Neither option sounded appealing. Eventually, Dan decided to knock on the door. He strained his ears but could hear no movement. Dan knocked again, harder. His knuckles vibrated from the impact. Finally, he could hear the creak of Eric’s bed and soft footsteps as he approached the door. Dan sighed in relief. 

The door was pulled open and Dan was overcome by the stench of stale alcohol. Eric’s half-open eyes didn’t even spare a glance at Dan before he turned around and got back into his bed, letting out an irritated sigh. Dan tiptoed into the room and looked around. The room was dark and quiet. Everything was the same as when he had been here last but it felt different. There was a warm buzz running through his body and suddenly his feeble attempts to decorate his room with fan memorabilia didn’t seem so stupid. His posters and pictures were saturated in lovely golden, bright colors. Although the room was silent, Dan swore it was whispering pleasant sounds into his ear. Dan crawled into his bed, thinking about last night. He could hardly believe he had met someone who was so interested in the same things Dan was, interested in him. Dan bit back a smile, running his fingers over the golden cursive letters of Phil’s book. 

Just then, his stomach growled. The hunger hit him like a wave. Suddenly his head was spinning, his eyes couldn’t stay open, he felt cold and empty. He felt dizzy and weak. Dan sighed, knowing he had to eat something if he was going to get through the day. He reached under his bed and pulled open the top drawer. Fingers trembling, he fumbled through the snacks his mom had forced upon him when she left. He grabbed one of the protein bars and quietly peeled off the foil wrapper. 320 calories. He would have to be okay with that for today. 

The chemical peanut butter smell wafted into the air and Dan almost gagged. He felt sick, but he knew he had to eat. He couldn’t risk passing out and missing class or work. He nibbled on the bar and took a few swigs of water. He leafed through Phil’s book as he ate, imagining Phil curled up against a window somewhere, reading the book with a content look on his face. He imagined him pausing to reach for a mug of tea and look outside, in awe of the world around him, then reaching back for the book to continue where he left off. 

Dan shook his head. He always had a knack for romanticizing everything around him. 

A few minutes later and Dan was feeling much better, besides the fact that his stomach still craved more than a small bar of chemically enhanced materials. He ignored that for the time being, though, and instead focused on how heavy his eyes were, how drained he felt. He grabbed his phone and set an alarm for 1:00 pm, giving himself plenty of time to get to his 2:00 pm class. He dropped the phone and the book on the bedside table next to him, falling into a peaceful and hazy sleep.

...

The sound of a door slamming shut made Dan jolt up in bed. Eric was gone, his bed a mess of tangled sheets. Dan reached for his phone to check the time and noticed he had accumulated quite a few messages over the past day. He hadn’t checked his phone since last night. A few were various social media sites telling him to “check out so-and-so’s new post!” or “said person is going live now!” but Dan wasn’t intrigued by those. Instead, he focused on two messages from an unknown number. 

Unknown: _Dan! What time is your last class?_

Unknown: _This is Phil btw haha_

Dan smiled. Butterflies fluttered from the bottom of his stomach all the way up his throat. He unlocked his phone and automatically went to his messages, putting “Phil Lester” in as a new contact. He stared at the name for a second, marveling at how wonderful a few letters of text could look on his small screen. 

Dan: _hey phil_ :) 

Dan: _only have 1 class today and it ends at 4_

Dan: _also how did u get my number lmao_

He set down his phone and stretched. Before he had time to wonder if he should have said something different, three dots appeared on the screen. 

Phil: _cool! wanna meet up and get food before work?_

Phil: _i got your number through my physic abilities_ ;) 

Dan thought for a moment. He wanted to go so badly but… He had already had 320 calories today. Granted, he hadn’t eaten anything yesterday, and he could always fast tomorrow… He didn’t have to eat much. Also, if he kept blowing off Phil eventually, Phil would stop asking. He could look up the menu of wherever they were going beforehand and choose the thing with the lowest calories. He could claim he was too full. There were plenty of ways to keep to his calorie goals in check and still be able to hang out with Phil. 

Dan: _sure! where?_

Dan: _lmao should i be scared?_

Dan set down his phone and grabbed a towel. He would take a quick shower and then see if Phil responded. 

Five minutes later and Dan was sat on his bed, wet hair plastered against his forehead. Phil had sent him two messages. 

Phil: _there’s a really cool burger place downtown. where is your class? i’ll pick you up from there_

Phil: ;) 

Dan shook his head, grinning nonetheless. 

Dan: _Rowlings Hall. I’ll be outside_ :) 

Dan grabbed his bag and his coat even though it was only 11:30 pm. He was too jittery to stay in his room for a moment longer. He double checked his pockets to make sure he had his keys, wallet, and phone before he left. He bit his lip to hold back the smile that was fighting to spread across his face. Phil Lester already had a hold on him.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan counted the minutes as they dragged on during his lecture. His professor was droning on about the syllabus, explaining that this class wasn’t going to be easy and they should spend at least ten hours a week studying. Dan was barely paying attention.

 

Finally, _finally,_ the professor announced the end of class. Dan walked outside and pulled out his phone. He was debating whether to call Phil or just text him when a car pulled up in front of him with the passenger window rolled down.

 

“Hey Dan!” said Phil, a brilliant smile flashing across his face, “hop in”.

 

Dan took of his bag and threw it in the backseat of the silver hatchback. The car was clean, warm, and smelled of pine air freshener. He sat down in the passenger seat and had barely closed the door before Phil was off. Dan buckled his seat belt before turning to Phil. He looked stunning. He wore black glasses, a thick purple sweater and black skinny jeans. Dan blinked out of his reverie when he saw Phil smiling back at him.

 

“Hey” said Dan, breaking the eye contact and looking around at his surroundings. “How’d you get this car?”

 

“My mum gave it to me when she got her new one.” Phil bit his lip. “In all honesty, she probably should have sold it or gave it away instead because I am truly a horrendous driver.”

 

Dan rolled his eyes “I doubt that. You-”

 

As if on cue, Phil slammed on the breaks as the light in front of them flashed red. Dan’s head whipped forward and then crashed into the seat. He clenched the armrest.

 

“Ok, I take it back.” Dan said, heart racing.

 

Phil laughed nervously. “Yeah… hopefully you have life insurance.”

 

Dan let go of the armrest when the light turned green and the car jolted forward. “Was this your plan all along? Get me in your car so you can kill me?”

 

Phil lifted his hands from the wheel. “Yep you got me.” Then he seemed to remember that he was driving the car and he grabbed the wheel again.

 

Dan chuckled. Phil was probably one of the most distracted people he knew. He would jump from thought to thought like a flea, not caring about the world around him. It was wonderfully endearing.

 

“When did you start driving?” Dan asked.

 

“I got my license when I was 19. I took and failed a few tests before I got it. But I’m pretty sure the only reason I passed was because my driving instructor won the lottery the day before my test and he really didn’t care anymore.”

 

Dan laughed. “Lucky”

 

Phil nodded in agreement. “I don’t drive that much but when I do, it’s a bit of a hazard to everyone around me.”

 

Phil took a left onto a street lined with brick-walled buildings and shops, cars stacked bumper to bumper on the road. Dan looked out his window as the assortment of colorful shop fronts passed by. Phil slowed his car as he scanned the street, looking for a place to park.

 

“Should I stay silent then? Try not to distract you?” Dan posed, attempting a subtle flirtatious smirk.

 

Phil grinned. “You’re quite distracting enough without speaking so I don’t think it matters much.” He winked and turned his head back toward the road, still looking for parking spaces.

 

“Th- There’s a spot there,” Dan sputtered, still thoroughly overwhelmed by Phil’s comment. Flirting seemed to be Phil’s first and only language. Dan didn’t know how he was going to survive working with him if this was how he was going to behave all the time. His stomach just might end up exploding from butterflies at some point.

 

Phil shook his head. “I can’t parallel park,”he said, zooming past the opening. Dan glanced at Phil and bit his lip in an attempt to stop the laugh threatening to escape his mouth. Phil’s brow was furrowed as he shot past several open parking spaces, all sandwiched between two vehicles. It was remarkable how something so silly, so seemingly insignificant, could make Phil look like the most adorable, endearing creature Dan had ever laid his eyes on.

 

“Ha!” exclaimed Phil, spotting an open space at the end of a stretch of pavement. He flicked on his blinker and rolled into the space. He opened his door and noticed how far away he was from the curb. “Shit,” he muttered as he shifted the car into reverse to straighten it out.

 

Dan finally succumbed into a fit of giggles as Phil continued parking the car. Phil glanced at Dan and a smile stretched across his face. “I told you I was a terrible driver,” he grinned.

 

Dan was still chucking as he stated what was at the forefront of his mind. “A cute terrible driver.” Instantly, Dan’s face burned red. He couldn’t believe he had just said that out loud. As Dan turned to look away and hopefully calm the heat spreading over his face, he noticed Phil was also tinged pink and had a small, surprised smile on his face.

 

Phil cleared his throat and went to open the door. “ _Henry’s_ is about two blocks behind us.”

 

Dan got out of the car and felt the sharp wind whirl around him. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and fell into stride next to Phil.

 

“Why is this your favorite place?” Dan questioned as they walked toward the restaurant. Dan could just see the neon sign hanging from the building a few blocks down, bright blue letters spelling out the name of the food place.

 

“The burgers are extraordinary, Dan, just you wait,” Phil mused. “They hand make everything and the chips are absolutely to die for.”

 

“Can’t wait” Dan said, plastering a smile onto his face. As excited as he was to hang out with Phil, he couldn’t help the little voice screaming at him from inside his head. _Fries. That’s going to be at least 500 calories, at_ least. _And a burger with toppings? You’re going to have to fast for a week to get rid of the damage of this one escapade with a cute guy who will forget all about you once he realizes how huge you are._

 

The restaurant was packed when Dan and Phil squeezed through the front doors. University students, families, and adults alike were stuffed at every table in the place. Shrieks, laughter, and loud conversation filled the room, proving a cheerful, rowdy energy for the patrons to feed off of.

 

“I guess this place is pretty popular then, yeah?” Dan nearly shouted at Phil as the joined the end of the queue.

 

“Dan I told you. Best. Burgers. Ever.” Phil replied, standing ridiculous close to Dan. He was close enough that Dan could smell Phil’s intoxicating deodorant, spicy and sweet, begging him to inch closer so he could figure out exactly what scents were mingling together. Close enough that Dan could see the barely there stubble that was asking him to reach out and feel it. Close enough that Dan could count the exact number of eye crinkles forming around Phil’s eyes when he smiled. The restaurant was packed, but it wasn’t _that_ packed. Phil didn’t have to be so close. But Dan didn’t want him to move at all.

 

Phil cocked his head to the side, eyes smiling mischievously, and opened his mouth as to ask a question when a shriek of " _Phil!”_ rang through the air, shattering the moment.

 

Phil looked around for the source of the sound as a girl with long blonde hair crashed into Phil, embracing him.

 

Dan hated the feeling that was bubbling in his stomach.

 

Phil leaned back to look at the girl’s face. “Rebecca!” Phil said, clearly amused. “How are you doing?”

 

Rebecca released Phil but grabbed his forearms instead, seeming to require some kind of purchase on a body part at all times.

 

“I’m so _so_ good.” She said. “I’m living my best life, dude.”

 

Phil laughed, “I can see that.” His eyes flicked to Dan. “Rebecca, ” he started, turning her around so she was facing Dan. “This is my friend, Dan. Dan, Rebecca.”

 

“Daaaaan” Rebecca dragged out his name for a full second. “the man,” she finished, pulling out finger-guns that didn’t quite make sense in the situation. She pulled him into a hug. “Nice to meet you!”

 

Dan was taken aback by the sudden contact. The bubbling in his body seemed to be decreasing. He hugged her back. “Nice to meet you, too.”

 

She gasped and jumped back like she had been burned with a poker. “You’re hands are freezing,” she stated. Then, she grabbed both of his hands and pressed them together, placing her own hands over his.

 

Dan laughed, not quite sure what to say or how to react. He looked to Phil for help and got only an amused look in return.

 

She whipped her head to look at Phil. “How’s being head man at the secretary student union-“ She was interrupted by a hiccup. “-thingy?” she asked.

 

Phil couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from Dan and Rebecca’s hands, which were still intertwined. “Hm? Oh it’s good! We have some wonderful new people.” He grinned at Dan. Dan rolled his eyes.

 

Her eyes widened. “Do you mean Dan the man here?”

 

Phil laughed. “Yes, Dan the man.”

 

She sighed. “I should have just stayed with the job another year. Now I don’t get to hang out with Dan!”

 

Dan couldn’t tell if she was taking the piss at him, or if she was actually in a state of drunken sadness.

 

“Aw, Rebecca. You know we can come hang out with you whenever you’d like. I miss being around you too.”

 

Suddenly, she was the brightest, happiest person in the bar. “You mean it?”

 

Phil nodded, suppressing laughter.

 

“I’m having a party this weekend and you should both come!” she blurted out. “Will you?”

 

Phil nodded, “Of course. What about you, Dan?”

 

Dan seemed to have forgotten he was a part of this conversation, even though Rebecca was still holding his hands. “Huh? Yeah, sure thing!”

 

Rebecca grinned. “Yay! I’ll send Phil the information and I trust he’ll get it to you somehow.”

 

Someone screamed her name across the bar. “I have to go!” she exclaimed. “But it was so good meeting you, Dan” she sloppily kissed him on the cheek. “And seeing you Phil”, she kissed him, too. The she ran off toward a table laden with pitchers of beer, surrounded by laughing 20-somethings.

 

Phil chuckled and turned to Dan. “Rebecca was head student of the student union help desk last year but she’s doing an internship this year. She’s in her fourth year of chemical engineering, full marks so far.” He shook his head. “She’s like the perfect person. Smart, friendly, popular, beautiful. I don’t understand it.”

 

Dan nodded, the word “beautiful” ringing in his ears. “I wish I could hate those type of people but they are so wonderful it’s hard to feel negatively about them.”

 

“I know what you mean”, said Phil. “But I also don’t think I could ever be around people as much as she is. It seems like an awful lot of work.”

 

Dan grinned and was about to agree with Phil but he then realized they were at the counter.

 

“Welcome to _Henry’s_ can I take your order?” said the woman at the counter. Dan glanced at Phil, having absolutely no idea what he wanted to get. He didn’t even look at the menu closely. He had no idea what was going to be the best option calorie wise.

 

“How about we both get a number 4 combo?” Phil said to the girl, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. He glanced at Dan. “If that’s alright?”

 

Dan looked up at the board. The number four was the regular burger. He could deal with that. “Yeah” he said, relieved. Then, he realized Phil was already swiping his card. “Wai-”

 

The woman handed Phil two empty glasses and a receipt reciting, “We’ll call out your number when we have your meals ready.”

 

“Thanks”, Phil said flashing a smile. He stepped out of line and handed Dan a glass. “The soda is over there.”

 

“Thanks for paying” Dan murmured. “You didn’t have to do that.”

 

Phil waved the comment off. “I’m the one who asked you to come, didn’t I?”

 

Dan shrugged and headed over to the soda machine. They both got diet coke.

 

Just as they found an empty table, number 42 rang out in the air and Phil stood up. “I’ll grab the food, you make sure no one steals our spot.”

 

Dan nodded and watched Phil leave, suddenly feeling panicked. He grabbed his phone and opened his CalorieCounter app. He typed in burger with fries and selected the biggest option. 2000 calories. He stomach dropped. “It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok”, he whispered under his breath. “I just won’t eat for the rest of the week. Or I could puke it up. It’s fine.” He saw Phil approaching and he quickly hid his phone. Phil eyes followed the motion but he didn’t say anything.

 

" _Viola”_ said Phil, sliding Dan’s plate in front of him. Dan had to admit, it looked amazing. The chips were hand cut and smelled ridiculously good. Dan grabbed the burger with shaking hands and bit into it.

 

“Oh my god”, he groaned. “How?”

 

Phil grinned. “I know right?” He himself dug into his burger. “Heavenly.”

 

“It’s like… everything I’ve ever known about burgers needs to be thrown off the balcony.”

 

Phil laughed and nodded. “It is truly the best thing my mouth has ever tasted.”

 

“When did you discover this place?”, Dan asked mouth full of food, calories forgotten for a moment.

 

Phil took a sip of his drink. “Last year, I think. This girl I knew suggested it.”

 

 _Girl?_ Dan thought. His mind buzzed with questions. Had Phil dated a girl? Was he only interested in girls? Did that mean Phil wasn’t actually flirting with Dan? Was he making it all up in his head? After all, how could someone as gorgeous as Phil like someone as disgusting as Dan. Suddenly his mouth was dry. He grabbed his diet coke.

 

Phil picked at his fries. “And I have only been here a few times sense,” he continued.

 

Dan nodded, still overwhelmed by spinning thoughts. He tried a few fries, finding something to occupy himself with. The taste of the delicious fries distracted him and all he could taste was the fried starchy goodness. He moaned.

 

Phil’s eyes widened. “Should I leave you two alone?”

 

“God yes!”, Dan exclaimed. He help up a fry. “The things I could do to you alone in a dark room.” He shoveled it into his mouth.

 

Phil laughed but his cheeks were flaming red. His eyes darted to Dan’s lips and then away.

 

Phil brought up the new season of _The Walking Dead_ which occupied the couple for a while. At some point Phil reached over to wipe a bit of ketchup off of Dan’s cheek, leaving a burning mark on Dan’s face. They chatted mindlessly until Phil checked his watch and coughed. “Shit it’s 5:30. We -um. We’re gonna have to get going soon.”

 

Dan looked down at his plate. He had eaten most of the burger and all of the fries and Phil was already done. The time had flown by so quick.

 

“Ah alright”, said Dan, disappointed that the date? friendly dinner? or whatever it was had come to an end. He glanced up at Phil. “I had fun and it was delicious. Thanks.”

 

Phil flashed the brightest smile Dan had ever seen. “Thank you for coming with me!” He hesitated for a moment before adding, “This might just be my favorite time coming here.”

 

Dan blushed and abruptly stood up, not being able to sit for a minute longer. He felt like his heart might explode. Phil stood with him and they left the restaurant, brushing hands ever so lightly as they walked side by side.

 

As they got into the car, Dan couldn’t help but feel as if he was already absolutely smitten with Phil, and he wondered if maybe the smallest part of Phil liked Dan too. He barely thought about the calories at all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another pretty short chapter this week but I'm planning some longer stuff later on. Love you all, stay safe <3

Work passed by somewhat quickly for Dan. He filed requests, directed people to the correct buildings, scheduled appointments, and did other miscellaneous work all the meanwhile sneaking glances at Phil every chance he could. Fortunately, his workload wasn’t so strenuous that he couldn’t look over at Phil at least every few minutes. He was trying to help out as much as possible around the office but there just didn’t seem to be enough work to distract him from those bright, blue eyes and that raven, black hair. While Dan seemed to have quite a bit of downtime, Phil was constantly putting out fires and racing from task to task. Dan had really been hoping to talk to him more throughout the evening but he had to content himself with just watching Phil work. Occasionally, Dan would catch Phil glancing over at him and he would smile if they caught eyes. Dan would grin back sheepishly and look away.

 

At 9:30, Dan looked around the room and realized he was the only person there. The desks were all cleared off and the only computer running was his. The chaotic hum of people working and chatting had come to a halt and all that was left was the eerie silence of an empty office.

 

Dan finished typing up the form he was working on, wondering if everyone had forgotten him. He wasn’t extremely bothered though because he had run through closing procedures the night before and he knew how to do everything. He was just shutting off his computer and making a mental checklist of things he needed to do when he noticed Phil sauntering his way over from the bathroom door. He sat on top of the desk Dan was seated at, blocking Dan from looking at anything else but Phil. Dan had to tilt his head up to look in Phil’s eyes.

 

Dan smirked, glancing around the room. “Just us two then?”

 

Phil shrugged, holding back a grin. “Well we’re supposed to have two people closing every night. Also, you’re one of the only students who said they would be willing to close on school days so we’re probably going to be closing a lot together.”

 

_I’m glad_ , Dan thought to himself. He hummed contently, just watching the way Phil’s lips formed words. Everything about Phil was kind of wonderful. It was crazy to believe he had only met Phil yesterday yet it seemed like he was falling head over heels for this guy. Regardless of all the worry, stress, intrusive thoughts, and the questions Dan didn’t dare ask Phil; in that moment Dan didn’t mind being so fully invested without knowing anything. He just relished in the feeling of adoration and the hopefulness that couldn’t help peeking out of the box of mixed emotions in his head.

 

Dan snapped back to reality in time to hear Phil ask, “What’s your major?”

 

Dan looked away from Phil, his previous thoughts running into the back corner of his mind. He stood up from the desk and replied, “pre-law” quickly, reaching over Phil to grab some of the papers strewn across the desk and walked over the filing cabinet to put them away. “What about you?”

 

“English Language and Linguistics,“ Phil said, his legs swinging from his place atop the desk. “Funny,” he added, “I never really picked you as a law guy.”

 

Dan smiled to himself, straightening out the papers on top of the filing cabinet. “Yeah? What would you have thought my major was?”

 

Phil leaned back and sighed. “Oh I dunno photography maybe? Or graphic design. Something artsy, I think. Or maybe political science. You seem the type to want to change the world or create something.”

 

Dan nodded and continued fumbling with the papers, keeping his eyes downcast on the task at hand.

 

Phil jumped off of the desk and walked over to Dan. “Then why law?”

 

Dan shrugged. “My parents really want me to do it. Good money and all that.”

 

“Ah,” Phil responded. He was close enough to Dan now that he could feel Phil’s breath. Dan’s shoulders tensed and he didn’t dare look at Phil. “That doesn’t sound-“ he paused. The rest of Phil’s sentence seemed to be on the tip of his tongue. Instead, Phil shifted gears, leaning in ever closer and murmuring, “well, I hope you end up doing something you love.”

 

“Thanks,” Dan all but whispered, finally looking at Phil. “I hope you do too.” 

 

“I think I will,” Phil said with a far off look in his eyes. “I really want to create things. Like books or videos or screenplays or something.” He looked back at Dan. “That’s how I knew you wanted to create, too. We dreamers always seem to find each other.”

 

Dan simply nodded in response, not trusting his mouth to give an response that didn’t scream _I have a huge fucking crush on you_.

 

Phil stepped away and it was like gravity started working again. Dan’s shoulders fell and he could suddenly feel the racing beat of his heart. He sucked in some air, as his lungs had seemed to stop working, and finished the closing procedures. Phil followed him around, politely nudging him in the correct direction when Dan seemed to have forgotten something. He also went over to the computer to do his own closing duties. It only took them a half hour to finish everything and they were walking out into the parking lot by 10:05.

A short car ride later, Dan and Phil were walking up the stairs to their dorms, aimlessly chatting about an obscure anime they had both happened to see. They reached Phil’s door first and before Dan had the chance to say anything Phil was asking if they could exchange schedules. Dan pulled out his phone and went into his photos to send a picture of his schedule to Phil. As he typed in the letters to his name, he couldn’t help but ask “seriously, how did you get my number?”

 

Phil looked puzzled for a moment but then laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh yeah I, um, I might have a set of keys to the office and maybe I snuck into the office after class this morning and found it from your student contact info?”

 

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Is that allowed?”

 

Phil’s cheeks burned red. “Not really, no but it was alright, yeah?” He glanced at Dan biting his lip.

 

Dan chuckled. “More than alright,” he responded, amused by the concerned look on Phil’s face. Phil let out a small breath that he seemed to have been holding in. “I had a really good time today,” Dan added.

 

“Me too,” Phil said. He glanced down at his phone and pulled up Dan’s schedule, eyes darting between times and classrooms. “Wow you only have one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays?” He asked out loud as he continued reading. “Ah!” he exclaimed. “We have the same time for breaks on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays! Would you want to meet in the library tomorrow after your 9:30 class?”

 

Dan grinned. “Sure,” he said.

 

“All right, see you then!” Phil open his door and was about to disappear behind it when he stopped and turned around to face Dan, anxiously drumming his fingers on the door frame. “I’m not crazy asking to hang out with you so much even though we just met, right? Like you don’t have a girlfriend or… someone that I’m stealing you away from?”

 

Dan swore he could feel his heart crack just a little, the worries that Phil might not even be gay flooding his thoughts. “Nope, I’m a complete loner fresher here.” He paused, asking one of the many questions he had wanted to ask since he first met Phil. “What about you? Don’t you have friends or significant others you’d rather be around?” _Also, are you just doing all of this to be nice? Are we just friends? Are you straight? Do you even like me?_

 

Phil shook his head and rolled his eyes. “No, Dan, of course not.” He leaned in and Dan felt his heart beat faster. He leaned in just a bit as well, dying to hear what Phil was going to say. “There is no one quite like you” Phil whispered. With that utterance, he closed the door, leaving Dan to collect the pieces of his elated heart that had exploded all over the hallway.


End file.
